Fighting in Front of Kids: A few Tools to Help Handle it Responsibly

As parents, it's inevitable that disagreements will arise in front of our children or with other family members and friends. While it's normal for kids to witness arguments to a certain extent, there are essential guidelines to follow:

Keep it between adults:

Shield your children from adult conflicts and ensure that arguments stay within the realm of adults.

Maintain respect:

Avoid name-calling, yelling, or inappropriate behavior. Model effective communication and emotional awareness.

Make amends in front of kids: Whenever possible, reconcile in front of your children, demonstrating healthy conflict resolution.

Engage in open, age-appropriate conversations about arguments with your children. Normalize the idea that disagreements occur even among people who love each other. Apologize if you displayed inappropriate behavior, emphasizing that strong emotions and different opinions are acceptable, but yelling and anger are not.

"We had a disagreement earlier. How did it make you feel? Were you scared or worried? It's important to know that it's normal for people to argue, even when they love each other very much. But you know what happens after an argument? We talk it out. We apologize, and we make an effort to listen and understand each other better."

And if necessary, apologize for any inappropriate behavior by saying,

“I'm sorry that we were yelling like that. We were upset, and it's okay to feel upset, but it's not okay to yell at each other in that way. I should have communicated my feelings more calmly.”

Use family conversations during calm moments to explore the topic of fighting further. Encourage your children to share their experiences and discuss what happens after conflicts, fostering a safe environment for dialogue.

"Is it okay for people to have disagreements sometimes? Absolutely... almost everyone has disagreements at times... Why do you think people have disagreements or arguments? Let's think about it... Do you ever have disagreements with your sister/brother/cousin/friend? Yes, definitely... and what usually happens afterwards?"

Practicing making up in front of your children can also be beneficial. Recreate or restate resolutions to conflicts, showcasing empathy, communication, and self-regulation skills.

"Do you remember when I got really upset yesterday when I came home and saw the house in a mess? I want to apologize for yelling. I was feeling overwhelmed and frustrated. Instead of yelling, I could have handled it differently. I could have said something like: 'I'm feeling really overwhelmed that the house is a mess. Can we take 10 minutes together and clean up a bit?'"

or

"Lately, both of us have been under a lot of stress, and we've been snapping at each other. Let's make a commitment to take a couple of minutes each day to pause, breathe, and reconnect with each other."

By following these strategies, you create an atmosphere where challenging moments can be openly addressed, fostering a sense of security and teaching valuable lessons about conflict resolution to your children.